


Hold Me Against The Incoming Storm

by QueenOfNewOrleans22



Category: Mötley Crüe, The Dirt (2019)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-15 10:02:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28561725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenOfNewOrleans22/pseuds/QueenOfNewOrleans22
Summary: Mick knew that there were certain things that couldn't be asked, because the answers were too painful and it just wasn't fair.
Relationships: Mick Mars/Nikki Sixx
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	Hold Me Against The Incoming Storm

**Author's Note:**

> I don't wanna be a burden anymore.

Mick knew that there were certain things that couldn't be asked, because the answers were too painful and it just wasn't fair. He knew that there were certain boundaries that couldn't be crossed, limitations that couldn't be pushed, answers that couldn't be questioned. It was a terrible thing to just want to help somebody but have to stop at ground zero because that person had put up walls so high that nobody could see over them, but Mick had long settled himself with choosing his battles. 

Despite this fact, Mick couldn't help himself, and as the sun disappeared beyond the horizon, he sighed, and shifted in his seat, trying his best not to awaken the dozing bassist on his shoulder, which was a task in itself, because Nikki woke up at the sound of a pin dropping. 

Just earlier, Nikki had been staring at Mick while they'd gotten dressed after sex like he was a foreign stranger, and hadn't answered when asked what was wrong because Nikki liked to be difficult. He had pinched his face together in that distinct face of thought and then slammed the bathroom door shut when he went to go take a shower. When he'd returned, Mick was given the silent treatmenent until, eventually, Nikki went back to his own room. 

They hadn't talked about it - they never did - and Nikki couldn't have been that angry, because he was asleep, which was already a sign that he trusted Mick, but now he was on Mick's shoulder and that should've been enough of a signal to just drop things before they got too hot, but Mick had never contented himself with being the sort of person who bowed when told to obey. 

In fact, Mick had no intention of doing so, and that became increasingly as more and more time passed. He could feel something digging into his hip and was really beginning to regret sitting in that position, but didn't have much of a choice, so he thumbed through the pages of his book and tried to distract himself from the burning questions in his head. 

Nikki was a ridiculous person with odd triggers, and Mick knew that, but something about this fight - or had it been just a minor issue? He didn't know - was not sitting well with Mick. He had seen that look of a trapped wild animal inside of Nikki's eyes, and that meant so many things. It had been a normal night, and nothing had transpired to cause Nikki to act like that. 

Or, at least, nothing in Mick's opinion, which was different and so Mick didn't put any stock in it. He sighed and tried to focus on his book, but the words didn't register in his mind and Mick's eyes glazed over, so he groaned and tossed his head up to stare up at the ceiling of the bus. 

" _Is that right...there's a....no, forget it."_ Nikki mumbled in his sleep, voice slurred and words heavy. He rubbed his forehead against Mick's jacket. " _No, that's illegal."_

Despite his own annoyance, Mick smiled, because there was just a weird endearing quality to Nikki when he started talking in his sleep, which was a rare occurrence that didn't happen unless he was having trouble sleeping. Mick tried to remember if Nikki had been asleep when he'd closed his eyes that night. He hadn't even laid down, so Mick marked that off as a 'no.' 

" _No...no, I got somebody - no, don't."_ Nikki huffed through his nose and began to move around as the dream became more developed. He had been writing lyrics awhile ago, and Mick hadn't been paying attention up until he'd felt Nikki rest his head on his shoulder, and then the notebook had hit the floor and it was too late, then. " _Great guy. He likes to - no, I said don't, I said no, girl."_ Nikki swatted at some invisible attacker from his mind, lips twisted into a scowl. 

Mick shifted around, and then lightly poked Nikki below his ribs before the dream turned into a nightmare. "Wake up, you're talking, again." Mick turned his face, feeling Nikki's hair tickle his nose and sniffing as a small tickle threatened to turn into a sneeze. "Nikki. Up. You're dreaming." 

As he came back to life, Nikki stiffened when he started to yawn, and then he raised his head. He looked rather awkward, face carefully schooled into an emotionless mask, some of his eyeliner smeared. Mick had no doubt that half of the makeup was on his jacket, which would be a bitch to clean up. 

Their eyes met, dark brown and neutral green, and Nikki set his feet back down on the ground from where he'd curled them up on the seat underneath his body. He looked down, avoiding eye contact as if it'd kill him. "Thanks." He mumbled after a second of two, and then he stood up, quick and careful, like a cat. 

Nikki walked down the aisle, too fast to be casual as he opened the bathroom door and ducked inside. The door slammed shut. Vince didn't pause in his argument but he wasn't as oblivious as he seemed - his eyes followed Nikki when he left, and they met Mick's when the door slammed. Tommy was involved in sticking his tongue down Heather's throat, but he pulled away when the door slammed, looking awkward. 

With a sigh, Mick looked down at his lap, and rubbed his temple, hating how the whole situation was playing out. Normally, Nikki was so blunt that, half of the time, Mick would pinch his thigh just to keep him quiet in social situations, but it seemed like Nikki was holding himself back from saying so much as a single word about what he was feeling. 

Worry blossomed in Mick's chest, replacing the irritation at being shut out. He didn't like not knowing what was going on, and he didn't like being treated like the enemy when the implication of Nikki being upset made Mick feel inclined to travel to the ends of the Earth to get him to be okay again. 

The night hadn't been any different from how it usually was, and Mick hadn't said or done anything any different. They'd had sex and Nikki had seemed happy, in a way that he never was usually, and Mick had loved it - the smile, the laughter, it had warmed his whole body. 

Mick stood up, painfully aware of how fucked he was, feeling Tommy's eyes, sharp and knowing and protective, and Mick walked down the aisle, sighing and resigned to his state. Mick raised his hand, clenched into a fist, and knocked on the door. "Nikki. What's wrong?" He felt like he was married again, really. 

There came no answer, only the dull silence, punctuated by each and every bump from the road. Mick looked down, wondering how he was going to do this, how he was going to lull Nikki back from his mood. Mick didn't even know what'd went wrong, didn't even know why Nikki had suddenly gone from zero to one hundred.

"I don't like it when you act like this." Mick said, pressing himself against the door so that nobody else would hear him. "I'm not about to beg, but..." He trailed off. 

Except Mick would beg. ' _Oh my God, I've become pathetic.'_ He thought, resting his forehead against the door, and the nearly stumbled as the door opened and a hand reached out to grab his shirt. 

The bathroom was small and there was hardly enough room for either of them alone, but just like with this relationship, they both made it work. Nikki pressed himself up against the wall, and Mick shut the door, listening as it latched. "What in the world has gotten into you?" He asked. 

Nikki looked a strange combination of determined and terrified, his hands clenched into fists at his sides. "What is _this?"_ He hissed. 

"What's what?" Mick felt confused, furrowing his eyebrows, uncertain. "I can't understand you when you're being so - cryptic, so mysterious." He waved his hands in the air uselessly. "I'm not a goddamn mind reader, Nik." 

"I know." Nikki said. "But I don't know what this is and it's starting to really piss me off here, Mick." He stomped his foot on the ground like a goddamn toddler in the middle of a tantrum. 

"Going on with what?" Mick said. 

"You, me, _us!_ You fuck me and then hold me at night and you say that this is something that's loose and temporary but then you go and say those words and act like everything is okay - " Nikki pressed himself further against the wall, green eyes wide and eyebrows raises, as if in silent thought. "You can't do this to me." 

For a moment, and a long one, at that, Mick could only stare at the younger man and try too figure out what he was saying. "Say what words? I didn't say anything last night." He tried to remember if maybe he'd scolded Nikki for saying stupid, like biting his nails when he hsd nail polish on, but he hadn't even done that. 

"You said - you said that you loved me." Nikki said weakly. 

Mick opened his mouth, about to say that, _no, I hadn't said that,_ but then he paused and realized that he had said such a thing. When Nikki had supposedly been asleep, Mick had said it, just like he always did. He had thought Nikki was asleep, but evidently, he wasn't. 

"Oh, right." Mick nodded. "Yes, I did say that, but what's so wrong with that? I know that you don't want me to say it directly do you, so what's wrong with me saying it when you're supposed to be asleep?" He asked. 

"There isn't - it's just that it threw me off guard, that's all." Nikki crossed his arms and took a deep breathe that made his chest shudder. "I didn't really expect it, I guess." He shrugged, looking down at his scuffed boots. 

"I lo - like you, Nikki, but I know you aren't ready for that sort of thing, so that's what I do, okay?" Mick took a deep breathe. "I'm sorry that I freaked you out, I really am, but the next time I do or say something and it freaks you out, then just tell me instead of acting like you have the whole day." 

"Sorry." Nikki muttered. "I'm sorry. I know that this is stupid. My emotions get the better of me sometimes." He rubbed his chest, looking torn between shame and sadness. 

Mick knew - he knew that Nikki was like a bomb, unpredictable and unknowable, a chaotic force of nature who couldn't even discern one emotion from the next, but with that, Nikki was the only person besides his kids that Mick would freely admit that he loved. Nikki was fiery and intelligent and he never seemed to give up, no matter what. "Let's not rush it, remember?" Mick said. "I'll be here waiting when you can say it, even if that day never happens, then I'll still be here." He paused, and then gave a reassuring smile. "Always." 

"I know. God, this is stupid." Nikki mumbled. "I feel stupid." 

"Don't." Mick said. "It's fine, _we're_ fine. You're just scared, is all. And that's okay."

Forever seemed to pass by, and then Mick stepped foward, opening his arms in silent invitation, and Nikki went willingly, resting his head on Mick's head. "I know that I'm a lot of deal with, but if it helps...I really like you too." 

Unable to help himself, Mick chuckled and squeezed Nikki lightly. "Yeah, you're lucky that I like you more than I should." 


End file.
